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Your feelings are valid. Period.

Updated: Jul 15, 2022

While on your healing journey, the walk or crawl can be a tough one to get through. Especially with

friends or family chiming in with advice like “Think positively”, “Focus only on the good”, “Can’t you

see all the love and light around you?”, “Change your behaviour; make the decision to act differently tomorrow”, “Why are you feeling this way? You shouldn’t.” or my personal favourite, “You have mental problems, you should see a doctor. You need therapy.”

Although some of these phrases may be well-intentioned, they are not helpful to the healing process.

About 15 years ago I read a quote from a Hungarian psychologist that stated, “They are sitting in

their lukewarm shit because they are so afraid to change. It stinks but the smell is familiar and

warm.” These words are very relevant in understanding people who give this type of advice, claiming to understand mental health and how the healing process works.

I implore you to ignore this type of advice. Not only is it not helpful, but can lead to a longer healing time or a further decline in mental health. No one can truly understand what you’re going through.

Your situation is unique to you, and while it may not seem like a “big deal” to others, it may very well feel like the end of the world to you. Your feelings are valid, period.

You may feel like you want to run away from it all, or burst out in anger, or crawl into a ball and hide

from the world. You may want to cry, or scream, or break something. You may be scared of what

comes next, or may be afraid to be left alone. These feelings cannot be brushed off. They are all

valid and can be dealt with in your own time and on your own terms.

These are all situations that are familiar to me and I can help you with. My approach revolves around simplicity being key. I would like to share a profound exercise that helped both me and my clients tremendously. When a situation happens, perhaps due to a fight, misunderstanding,

miscommunication, etc.

This may cause your anger to rise, perhaps even make you want to cry or

makes it hard for you to breathe, trying following these steps:

- Acknowledge your feelings and then find a quiet place to be alone

- Start to describe your feelings out loud to yourself