Law of Belonging
Updated: May 24, 2022
Family constellation laws called by Bert Hellinger of orders of love, it plays a fundamental role in the balance and maintenance of the family system, cooperative system, friendships and all kind of relationships systems.
Belonging is first and foremost a natural feeling, a necessity of any human being. The first system we all belong in our family. In the family system, members are unique, and everyone has the RIGHT TO BELONG. No one can be excluded regardless of their characteristics, difficulties or personal virtues. Each person is a vital member of the family system. When an exclusion occurs in the family system, an imbalance occurs. This situation happens to be lived by a descendant, without necessarily having knowledge or affinity with the excluded ancestor.
In other words, every person who is born or is linked to a family system needs to be recognized. They are an integral and respected member. They have their place and role within that system.
Many people may be living as their great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, uncles, siblings or even as former spouses' life (or life patterns). For example, an uncle who was rejected for being an alcoholic or having a mental disorder, families kept him a secret. An aunt or another relative who was married to someone whose parents did not approve of the union banished them from the family.
Rejected or not included children, such as those due to induced or spontaneous abortions, can also have systemic consequences. Aborted children need to be included in the total number of children, even if they were not born.
In cases where there is an exclusion in the system, someone may represent that excluded person in some ways. They may manifest some kind of symptom, behaviour or life pattern. And this happens for repairing an injustice or lack and thus, restoring the systemic balance.
Examples that may involve the law of belonging:
1. Has anyone in your family been excluded or not included, regardless of the reason?
2. Do you identify any behavioural symptoms in yourself or someone in your families such as attention deficit, depression, panic disorder, separation anxiety or any degenerative physical illness?
3. Do you sense in yourself or someone in your family a feeling that someone is missing?
4. Do you often start something and give up, have lots of questions about w